Power Jokes

The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.

The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.

Battery 1%.

I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

The top part of the image shows a test question: "Short Answer #5 (10 points): Provide an example of a risk." The student answers: "No.". The bottom part of the image has the text "The student:" and a picture from a movie. There is text below the movie scene: "As you see my Jedi powers are far beyond yours."

What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?

Hail, of course!

What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?

Reign!

Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.

What do you call a country with nukes?

Abomination.

Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.

What's Superman's weaknesses? Kryptonite and horses.

Chuck Norris doesn't fly on airplanes.

Airplanes fly on Chuck Norris.

A boy asks his father:

"What is politics?"

Father answers:

"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.

Our maid is the working class.

Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."

The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

The next day his father asks him:

"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"

The boy says:

"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!

Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."