Politics jokes
What was Hitler's favorite part of the car? The gas tank.
Stop blaming Bush. He is white, it couldn’t have been him.
Why did Hitler kill himself? Because the air was gas.
Q: Why is America bad at chess?
A: Because they already lost two towers.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they asked if I could pilot a plane.
New protest.
I'm glad.
What is the difference between the human rights?
I used to think all Americans were racist.
Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.
Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.
There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.
There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.
Want to hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.
The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”
Why can't Chinese do anything? The government won't let them.
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Trump.
"North America, best America."
Trump wants people to think he's a great golfer. But the only handicap he has is a mental one.