Politics jokes

Why is Hitler a hjhjfbfhf? Because he’s Hitler!

I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.

"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."

"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."

I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!

Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.

As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.

As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.

Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"

"Bippity Boppity Boo, Donald Trump is gonna deport you!"

How do you finger a feminist? Shake her hand and call her Theresa.

I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

I asked, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

I asked, "What do they do there?"

He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

What do you call Hitler?

Gay.

Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?

Because proper tea is theft.

There once was a commie called Ed. Usually known as Ned. He went to bed, Got shot in the head, Unfortunately now he was dead.

Chuck Norris told those three men how to climb Trump's wall.

"Nahtzee"

If Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden are in a boat and it capsizes, who survives? America.

Pink Floyd + Donald Trump = Same.

What did South Korea say to North Korea? Go read a book!

You know why Hitler wouldn’t drink whisky? Because it made him angry.

Why are Americans such good chess players?

Because they lost two towers.

Why does Donald Trump smell like dog shit? Cuz he's a dawg!

Yo mama so ugly Joe Biden was jelly.

How are genders and twin towers alike? There used to be 2, but now it's a sensitive topic.

I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.