Politics jokes

What's George Floyd's newest song?

"I can't breathe."

This Anonymous guy is acting like Hitler, bro.

What do you call a country's booty?

Its bottom line.

You know how Joe Biden is happy?

When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.

"You're the bomb"—a compliment in the USA.

An argument in the Middle East.

Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.

Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.

Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.

What do you call a kid that’s cold and his name is war?

Cold War.

What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.

Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.

Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.

Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."

Biden 2020.

Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!

Lmao Trump and Putin dislike my jokes! 🤣😂

Why is Hitler a hjhjfbfhf? Because he’s Hitler!

Say what you will about Donald Trump, at least he's not Biden.

How can you tell if a white homophobic heterosexual man with bisexual tendencies is a Christian nationalist?

He gives anonymous blowjobs to men regardless of their sexual orientation.

If Emma Feel had a penny every time someone gave her head, she would have enough to make Mark Zuckerberg and Trump her third-legged bitch.