Politics jokes
What is the difference between the human rights?
What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?
Answer: Hair Force One!
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Roses are red, the Jews hate goys,
Union of Creepy Janitors (UCJ) opposes school choice.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
I was in Russia at a stand-up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin, but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice, though.
YouTubers: Among Us in real life.
Bin Laden: Angry Birds in real life.
Here via westwingman.net from Veep!
Bush is innocent, he's white...
Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!
Russia is worse than the USSR.
Russia is just a bonerless USSR.
What's Osama Bin Laden's favorite song currently?
"Under the Sea" by The Little Mermaid!
"Let's go Brandon!"
It's a shame Iran doesn't know how to restrain Israel. If only they had Hitler's expertise.
Now he really would be THE FINAL SOLUTION!
What would Donald Trump be if he was Black?
Shot in the head.
My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.
Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.
Donald faced the other four and orders:
"I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."
Tony jumps off.
"Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."
Francis jumps off.
Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."
Hillary jumps off.
Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."
Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"
What do you get when you cross a dick and a potato?
A dictator.