Police jokes

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

1, 2, I have a gun.

3, 4, I am in a school.

5, 6, Everyone on the ground!

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

What did the police say on the TV during 9/11?

"Call 911!"

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.

She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”

The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”

The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.

He was charged for impersonating a police officer.

Age is just a number.

Police are just people.

Jail is just a room.

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.

What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?

"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."

What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?

The cops had to comb the area.

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

Why do the police never catch the orphan?

The orphan is not wanted.