Police jokes

What did the police say on the TV during 9/11?

"Call 911!"

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.

She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”

The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”

The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.

He was charged for impersonating a police officer.

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

1, 2, I have a gun.

3, 4, I am in a school.

5, 6, Everyone on the ground!

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

Age is just a number.

Police are just people.

Jail is just a room.

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.

What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?

The cops had to comb the area.

What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?

"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."

Why do the police never catch the orphan?

The orphan is not wanted.

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!

Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"

Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.