Police jokes
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
What do you call a special police officer?
Officer down!
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.
What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.
Why can't orphans be robbers?
Because they're not wanted.
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
Are you George Floyd?
Cause you take my breath away! 😮💨
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
The best part about Poland 🇵🇱 is that the police lights are different.
Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?
The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.