Police jokes

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?

"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."

So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.

Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."

How do pedophiles follow the law?

They drive it slow in the school zone.

What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?

Oooooooooh girl, you lion!

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.

There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

When you get caught about to shoot up the school,

*slowly puts AR to chin*

A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.

I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

Murder, murder, suicide by police.

What's black and white and red all over?

A police brutality case.

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

Your nan.