Police jokes
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
What did the rape victim give to her rapist?
Head.
"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
I killed a man in '94.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."