Phone jokes

Why don’t Asians use phones?

Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!

I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.

For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

Why can’t orphans use a phone? Because they can't find the home button.

Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!

Q. Why was the orphan unable to use the phone?

A. He was trying to phone home.

Why did an orphan kill ET?

To phone home.

Why was the turtle looking at her phone?

She wanted to take a shellfie.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."

The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"

Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?

Because they are afraid of American airdrops.

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?

Cows go moo.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

When you step on the weighing scale, it shows your phone number!

I bet emo kids are jealous when their phone dies.