Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him your life is ruined. So Jim took a picture of her and the next thing you know he said is NOW MY PHONE IS RUINED.
I wanted to play fruit ninja but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him ... everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing ... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market ... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
What did the cell phone say to his wife? i will give you a ring
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Discord.
Discord who?
I need discord to plug in the phone.
Stephen hawkings tried charge his phone and unplugged his life support
My phone was at 10% and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen hawkin
My phone is just like the twin towers they got put in air plane mode
How do You call an iPhone cover in Germany?
-An apple bag. 😜
Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.
Man: Hey siri! Siri: Yes? Man: Im desperate, will you marry me? Siri: Uh... *phone literally explodes*
Why did the orphan get an iphonX cause theirs no home button
Tell an emo and say do u get jealous when your phone dies
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers? Hang in there.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket. I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
The next time you get a sack call pick up the phone and say “welcome to Pete’s pizzeria and abortion clinic your loss is next weeks sauce how may we help you
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking".
