Phone jokes
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.
I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.
Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"
I have more chin than the Chinese phone book.
Someone who was working in the tower must've put their phone on plane mode.
What's big, black, and lights up when you touch it?
A phone.
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.
Why did Michael Jackson die?
Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.
No wonder some of the phones today have no home buttons.
The makers were orphans.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
Why are Indians such good actors?
Most of them are phone scammers.
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."