Phone jokes

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

How did the rapper find his missing phone?

He checked the track list.

Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

Yo mama so fat that when she took a selfie, she needed two phones.

What do you call a phone that talks?

A reader in a leader.

Do emos get jealous when their phone dies?

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.

I saw this boy named Phone. He said where would he live? I said an orphanage.

Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.

I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.

Yo head so big I can skate on yo head.

I'm talking bout real real big, set a plate on yo head, charge a phone on yo head, build a home on yo head, studio wide, write a song on yo head.

Q: My scale had my phone number on it. Wandering why, I looked up only to see an elephant in my face...

Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.

Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.