Phone jokes

When is the last time you picked up the phone?

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.

How did the rapper find his missing phone?

He checked the track list.

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

Phone: YEETED.

TikTok: DELETED.

Therapy: NEEDED.

Wife: BEATED.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

I saw this boy named Phone. He said where would he live? I said an orphanage.

Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

What do you call a phone that talks?

A reader in a leader.

Do emos get jealous when their phone dies?

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.

I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.