Phone Jokes

My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone, I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

An orphan made an Instagram, he did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

911, what’s your emergency? I asked, and listening to the quiet sobs of a litte kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me” the girl said and cried making me freeze on the spot as i recognized my daughter’s voice.

i once called a depressed guy why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone (im not englishs so i could've talked bad)

Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "on what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

I got my orphan kid a phone she was pressing the home button but it didn't work

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”