Phone jokes

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

Official Dj Penaldo playlist.

1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"

"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

I got jealous when my phone dies.

Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

Q: What has two wings and a halo?

A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"

My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.

I found this game, it's like flappy bird: https://terrorist.group/

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to unlock her phone with her face, it said, "disconnected."

How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.

Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.