Phone jokes
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
I saw this boy named Phone. He said where would he live? I said an orphanage.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Bob: Siri, call 666!
*dialing noises*
Bob: Hello?
Bob's dad: Hi!
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
Why couldn't the orphan get an Android? Because it didn't have a home button.
What phone do midgets use?
A MICROphone.
I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."
I just got a text on my cell. Bone be right back ;)
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask.
Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.
Prankster pranks.
Fake lobster in the toilet. 8:00 a.m.
Prank phone calls. 9:00 a.m.