Phone jokes

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

What STD can you get from phone sex?

Hearing AIDS.

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

I want your weight, not your phone number.

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.

Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?

They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.

Yo mama so stupid, she ate the Apple phone you gave her.

Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

When I hotline bling, I only need one thing.

"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.

I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.

Except it had no home button.

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!