Phone jokes

What STD can you get from phone sex?

Hearing AIDS.

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

I want your weight, not your phone number.

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

When I hotline bling, I only need one thing.

When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

Why doesn't the orphan's phone have a homepage, being it doesn't have a home?

Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.

Which do you choose?

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: I don't know why.

Man: Because they have a family plan.

Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.

My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.

I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.

Except it had no home button.

The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.

"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.

(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.