Phone jokes

Depressed caller: "I'm done with everything!"

Responder: "Please hang on!"

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.

I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!

You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!

"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"

When I hotline bling, I only need one thing.

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.

Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?

They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.

Yo mama so stupid, she ate the Apple phone you gave her.

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?