Phone jokes
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!
You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.
Except it had no home button.
I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.
"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"
When I hotline bling, I only need one thing.
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
Why doesn't the orphan's phone have a homepage, being it doesn't have a home?
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?
JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.
My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.
What do phones and orphans have in common?
They selfie! (It's because they don't have parents.)
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.