Phone jokes
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
Me: Truth or dare?
Crush: Dare.
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.
Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.
Me: Ok, what is your phone number?
Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
Memes
Yo mama so stupid, she ate the Apple phone you gave her.
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
I want your weight, not your phone number.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."
When I hotline bling, I only need one thing.
"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"
You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!
What do phones and orphans have in common?
They selfie! (It's because they don't have parents.)
How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?
JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.
Except it had no home button.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.