Phone jokes
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
Why doesn't the orphan's phone have a homepage, being it doesn't have a home?
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
My teacher says no phones allowed. I say my phone is allowed because I’m nobody, Dania.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.
What do phones and orphans have in common?
They selfie! (It's because they don't have parents.)
How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?
JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?
A sex-a-phone.
Yo mama is so ugly she's really the reason phone screens cracked!
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!