Philosophy jokes

I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.

—Shane Richie, British actor

The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!

Eugenics is Hitler-like and, more importantly, feminist thinking.

The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.

So I treat everyone like garbage.

Violence isn't the answer. It's the question, and the answer is yes.

You know when people say a joke about living?

That's because we are all living a joke.

In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.

One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post

They say nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing all day.

People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."

- Sun Tzu

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

You know Thomas Paine, right? Well, clearly he had some common sense too, right?

Is it all right when there is nothing left?

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

I think God is cool with abortion.

After all, he did kill his only son.

Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?

I don't want to die.

Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?

Because proper tea is theft.

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.