Personal jokes

What was the name of the person who was mean?

The Canabully.

My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”

How does a disabled person play chess?

I think you forgot they don't have legs.

Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.

He really shook things up today.

I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.

This person ( :I ) It wasn't meant to be a joke; it was just to make space like your mother's ass in space because it's so big.

What do you call a disabled person that can walk?

Enabled.

The reason why you have a high pitched voice is because you always sing opera.

Who is this Gwen person?

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

You: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Random person: Why?

You: To get to the idiot's house!

Random person: What?

You: Knock knock.

Random person: Who's there?

You: The chicken.

Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!

Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?

A. A loaded potato.

Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?

Because they took a day off.

"9/11" or just "7-Eleven" to a Mexican person.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.

I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.

Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”

My friend was the only one who laughed.

So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.

Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.

Anyways, she cried lol.

I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.

If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.

I will give the person credit each joke I do.

"Watch out, there's an iceberg!"

Other person: "We will be fine."

10 minutes later, drowns, says, "We will be fine."