Personal jokes
Symptoms of Schizophrenia.
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
Is a disabled person who has no arms but has guns armed or not armed?
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?
Liam: I like you both.
Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to paris.
Mother: That's means you like dad more.
Liam: No, its because i like paris.
Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to America.
Mother: Why?
Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
Yo hairline is so bad it looks like a fat person's stomach.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:
"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?
You really thought n****r, didn't you?
What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.
What did God say when he created the first black person?
"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
Ben 10 and a disabled person are the same, but no aliens for the disabled person.
Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.
What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?
Hangman.