Performance jokes
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, out-standing performance.
Why can't Michael Jackson ever win in a race? Because he always comes in a little behind.
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.
How do rappers greet each other?
With a high five and a mic drop!
He wasn't that bad.
One Erection would be a very nice name for a gay band.
A magician is driving, but then he "turns" into a driveway.
If you get this joke, you have no personality at all. Send all the help you can get:).
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had mad flow!
I want to be a pornstar. Even if I completely suck, they will still give me a firm raise.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
A LYRICAL ILLUSIONIST
What do you call a magician with no magic? A dyslexic c**t.
What's the best finger for fingering A minor?
Why did the actor fall through the floor?
He was just going through a stage!
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
Why did the rapper become a weatherman?
To predict the HEAT of his next single.