Did u here about the emo kid who audition for the school play?
He made the cut
My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch. “Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said “Son. That is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games".
Why did the rapper bring a vacuum to the concert?
So the haters could SUCK on him
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the stage?
To keep track of his RHYME TIME
Why did the rapper always carry a pencil?
In case he had to DRAW a crowd
Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, outSTANDing performance.
Friend: If u don't like my bad jokes I will tell some stand up comedy. Me: But u are not standing:)
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today. Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.
my fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type, after performing some tests the doctor said " well the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?
To find his way to the top of the CHARTS
Why did the rapper oil up his notepad?
In case he needed to DROP some FREESTYLE NOTES
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
what do you call a white guy who can actually dance? jewish
My wife and I have been married over 30 years. But don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom. I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
Why did the rapper become an electrician?
Because he wanted to SHOCK the audience with his RHYMES
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
what does rapboat and caseoh have in common? They're both chubby
just cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I cant have sex
In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden, and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she found herself soon homeless, begging for food or money to survive.
She used to occupy a street next to a theater; not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her; every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well, that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every tuesday - just to keep her spirits up.
One tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story, and decided to share his fortune.
Gentleman: I work as a magician in the touring show - today we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate - but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin.
