Efficiency jokes

I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.

Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.

Why don't black lives matter anymore?

Because a harvester is more efficient at picking crops than slaves.

What was Hitler known for?

His exceptional cost efficiency.

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Why would you make jokes about birth control?

It's a great labour-saving invention.

When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.

I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? Nine.

There's two types of emo people:

1. People that cut side to side.

2. And people that cut up and down.

The most efficient is up and down.

The happier they get, the less they see.

I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.

Isn't Gwen the most thoughtful person?

English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.

Nice! Angry Birds really has improved.