Efficiency jokes

I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.

Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.

What was Hitler known for?

His exceptional cost efficiency.

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.

I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? Nine.

There's two types of emo people:

1. People that cut side to side.

2. And people that cut up and down.

The most efficient is up and down.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.

Who is the fastest reader? 9/11, it went through 10 stories in 7 seconds.