Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
Because he was searching for the PERFECT FLOW.
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?
Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
What’s a rapper’s favorite EXERCISE?
Flexin’.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Presto.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
Why do people always tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
What is one thing that a physicality handicapped gay man can do better than a heterosexual female or a bisexual female that are not born physicality handicapped? Know how to perform fellatio on a man that has a very long and thick and very large dick.
