If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
Performance Jokes
What’s a rapper’s favorite EXERCISE?
Flexin’.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
Music days be like:
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
Because he was searching for the PERFECT FLOW.
Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Presto.
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?
Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
Why do people always tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
