I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.
Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?
Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
It's been known that Michael Jackson decided to do a song for the soundtrack for Free Willy, because he thought that he would get free willy in exchange for composing a song.
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Perform fellatio.
I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.
What is one thing that a physicality handicapped gay man can do better than a heterosexual female or a bisexual female that are not born physicality handicapped? Know how to perform fellatio on a man that has a very long and thick and very large dick.
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
How do you know if a homophobic woman that is a Christian nationalist and Catholic is poor enough she would be desperate enough to do anything to pay her bills?
she would be willing to perform anilingus and cunnilingus on women regardless of their sexual orientation in the LGBT community.
It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
