Performance jokes
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
Eminem-o the Great.
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.
He sing, he dance, he he.
Why was the rapper always so confident?
Because he had a lot of rhyme and reason!
What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
Ian.
There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.
Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
Why was the rapper afraid of ghosts?
Because they kept booing him off stage!
Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."
Why do people always tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
Why did the rapper take a bath before his concert?
To get his flow SQUEAKY CLEAN!
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.