Performance jokes
Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Presto.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
Because he was searching for the PERFECT FLOW.
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
What’s a rapper’s favorite EXERCISE?
Flexin’.
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.
A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.
I don't know, my friend did it.
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?
Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
Why do people always tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.