Performance jokes
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
What’s a rapper’s favorite EXERCISE?
Flexin’.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
Because he was searching for the PERFECT FLOW.
Memes
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Presto.
A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.
I don't know, my friend did it.
Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?
Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "She was a little tardy."
I asked her, "I thought they all were."
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
Why do people always tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast.
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
What do you call an orphan that sings a solo?