If we can't see air, can fish see water?
I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn't read that number and you didn't notice that I put a letter in it. No, I didn't, but you went back and looked, didn't you?
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid? Reality.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)
I am reading a horror book in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room? Unnecassary.
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
