Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."
Dark humor is like water. Some people get it, some people don't.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
What do you call a dad in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
People judge me because I'm quiet.
No one plans a massacre out loud.
You got a dig bick.
You read that wrong.
You read that wrong too.
Maybe you read that wrong as well.
You just went and back-checked.
You reread all of that.
You have a pet wussy.
You read that wrong...
You need mental help.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?
I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
I am glass! People see right through me.
Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
