Perception jokes

Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?

Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.

Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.

So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.

When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.

I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.

When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?

There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."

Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.

You know what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.

I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn't read that number and you didn't notice that I put a letter in it. No, I didn't, but you went back and looked, didn't you?

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.

What did the blind man fight in the bar?

The coat rack.

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

Blind guy says, "Just looking around."

If we can't see air, can fish see water?

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

Why can’t the blind man find love?

It’s called love at first sight.

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.