People jokes

I have a joke about lazy people!

Actually... forget it... it won't work.

Who were the people that survived 9/11?

The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.

Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?

Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.

So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

Why did the tangerine copy off other people's work?

Because the tangerine was unORANGEinal!

Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.

This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).

People's music when friends are around: *rock*

When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"

Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.

I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.

Why are disabled people screwed?

Because you can't run or hide!

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.

The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.

Why do disabled people not like comedians?

Because they do stand up.

What do spiders and Black people have in common?

When they’re black, they kill you.

Why are white people so white?

Because they forgot to urine on lotion.