People jokes
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
How do non-binary people kill people?
They slash them.
Why do ableist people hate autistics?
They're scared they'll never be special enough.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
How are Black people like communism?
Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
Because he hated the Poles!
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw a wok down the stairs.
Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?
Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.