People jokes
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
"Everyone knows I love kids better than people."
- Joe Biden. (A.K.A. Pedo Peter.)
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
The best part about having autism is being able to make jokes about genociding autistic people and no one can say a damn thing.
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
Why did everyone run from the Mexican when he went to the snack bar?
He said "¡Hola snack bar!" ¡Hola means hello in Spanish.
Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.
What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?
A sex-a-phone.
One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."
The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."
The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.
Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.
Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
What do Asians and John Cena have in common? You can't see me!
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
What kind of jokes doesn’t work out?
Fat people jokes.