Partner jokes

When you meet your gf at the family reunion.

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

Why can't the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he has "no body" to go with!

I finally got a girlfriend.

Her name is Remington Model 32.

I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.

Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."

The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.

The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.

The third lady says, "I never had a husband."

The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."

They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.

The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."

"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"

My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.

What does a Chinese man say to his partner when having sex?

"Ching Chong Soc Mai Ding Dong"

Why is it hard having a relationship with an astronaut?

Because they are always so distant. :-]

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

I have a girlfriend.

I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Get in the car.

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.

Plus, she's too young to smoke.

My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)

Me: I know, you always are...

I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.