Partner Jokes

When you meet your gf at the family reunion

I guess age is just a number but in your boyfriends case a personal preference.

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach. She asked me why the hell did I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

if your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top-of-ya

why is it hard having a relationship with an astronaut? because they are always so distant:-]

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".

The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"

What does a Chinese man say to his partner when having sex? "Ching Chong Soc Mai Ding Dong"

I have an awesome sex drive, my girlfriend lives 40 miles away.

I have a girlfriend.

What did batman say to roben before they got in the car? - Get in the car

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby

I don't have a girlfriend

Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic

Plus she's too young to smoke

my gf calling me: I'm home alone ;) me: I know, you always are...

I was always to I’m to small to ride but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5

Who did the bee 🐝 marry?

Her honey!

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.