Partner jokes
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.
How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
What does a Chinese man say to his partner when having sex?
"Ching Chong Soc Mai Ding Dong"
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”