Partner jokes
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
Who did the bee 🐝 marry?
Her honey!
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
I have a girlfriend.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.
Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
Who wants to be my boyfriend?
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.
Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
What’s something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?
It’s just a rental.
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.