Partner jokes

Who did the bee 🐝 marry?

Her honey!

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds.

What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?

He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.

A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.

One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.

Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?

Call her on the phone.

TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.

There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!

I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

Are you a gun because I want to live with you?

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)