Otherness jokes

Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."

What did one butthole say to the other?

"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

Life is like a penis. Other people make it hard.

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

How do you piss off a disabled person?

You put the cookie on the other shoulder.

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?

One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.

So, two kids argued and insulted each other.

KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"

KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."

"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."

What did the plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me! 😂

Why did the tomato cross the road?

To ketchup with his friends on the other side.

How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.

Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.

Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."

Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?

Because it never runs out of juice.

Bf: Do you love me?

Gf: Most of the time.

Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.

Gf:...

Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?

Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.

Bf: Why?

Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.

Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!

Gf: Ohh...

My uncle got sued from NASA the other day. He claimed to be the first one to enter Uranus.

A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.