OR jokes
(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
Would it be wrong of me to yell “Jenga!” or “Timber!” while my class is watching a 9/11 documentary?
Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?
The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.
Why do orphans only have 363 days?
They don’t have Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
Is it incest if it’s out in the open?
Or is it... outcest?
Why are disabled people screwed?
Because you can't run or hide!
Some rules of childhood cricket:
1. Whose bat, his batting.
2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.
3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.
Were Japanese suicide bombers taught to fly, or was it just a quick crash course?
Why can’t U.S.A or England play chess?
Because the U.S.A has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat?
Skip.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.
Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.
I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.
Maybe I'm just too old at this point.
What movie do orphans relate to the most?
"Spider-Man: No Way Home." (Either that or Batman.)
Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?