Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?
Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.
Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly.
OR Jokes
Who's better, Hitler or Jesus?
Hitler: Jesus made bread for 1000 whereas Hitler made meat for 10,000. đ đ đ đ (no offense)
(To circumcised people)
What was Michael Jackson's favorite flavor from Ben and Jerry's? "Schweaty balls," or if you're Michael Joseph Jackson, "tiny balls."
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. đđđ
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.
Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.
Itâs amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitlerâs Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isnât that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"
What do you call a black person scuba diving? A black diver (an armor set from DeepWoken). Did anyone laugh at that, or?? Augh, I guess I'm alone.
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
Is it just me, or do these gays need to leave me alone?
What's the second worst thing to happen to orphans?
They can't have sex.
"Why?"
Because they don't have anyone to call mommy or daddy.
The only thing running in THIS familyâs your big ass mouth! Oh, Iâd better shut up, or Big Berthaâs gonna confuse my head for a burger!
The Yo Mama song to end all yo mama jokes.
If you know what song this is parodying, you get a cookie.
Well, itâs a oooh, yo mama.
Ohhh, Yo Mama.
oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!
Yo mama so fat, she gotta bathe in Sea World.
Well, itâs a oooh, yo mama.
Ohhhh, YO MAMA!
Oh woo ohhh, YO MAMA!
Yo mama so slow she took 9 months to get the joke.
Your own motheeer makes me giggle.
Her struggling to do taaaasks, see her belly wiggle.
HEY!
Yo mama so fat she on both sides oâthe family.
Yo mama so inbred her own famâly tree
Looks like a spider web anâ yo mama so hairy
I thought it was King Kong I saw, that bitch is scary.
Yo mama so dumb a kid said âgimme a fagâ
And in response she kidnapped Ricardo in a giant bag.
Yo mama so blind, she drove through puppies in a blunder
I swear I almost thought the driver was Stevie Wonder.
Yo mama so old, sheâs nostalgic for the big bang.
Drier than Sahara, that crusty old thang.
Well, itâs a oooh, yo mama.
Ohhh, Yo Mama.
oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!
Yo Mama so fat her picture still printing out.
Well, itâs a oooh, yo mama.
Ohhhh, YO MAMA!
Oh woo ohhh, YO MAMA!
Yo mama so ugly I thought you had two dads.
MMMMMMM
ahhhhhh
ohhhohoh
Your own motheeer, your own motheeeeerâs pussy is tight.
Itâs not too dryyy or weeet itâs just right.
Hey Mama!
I fucked her so hard, the bitch done passed out
but not before I creamed all over her and shout
âIâM FUCKING THESE MOMS ALL THE WAY TO HEAVEN!
Donât care if sheâs 20 or 77!
Iâm doing all the moms all over the worlâ
Even if they werenât âriginally born a girl.
A pussyâs a pussy no matter who its from
Donât care if that woman is smart or dumb!â
Thatâs the truth there, baby! Even if
yo mama too stupid to tell apart her own kid
or if sheâs so fugly, sheâs the reason why
Helen Keller, poor soul, went deaf and blind.
I want to fuck every MILF on Earth
it donât matter how much her ass is worth
or if sheâs so poor, coal on Christmas is a treasure
Would I fuck her anyway? It would be my pleasure.
My body count so high canât nobody top me
She said, âIâll call you Freddie Mercury cause I want you to rock me.â
I said, âaiight bet! Canât nobody stop me!â
Well, itâs a oooh, yo mama.
Ohhh, Yo Mama.
oh wop oh wop...YO MAMA!
But yo mama still so poor Africans donate to her!
Marry or don't marry, you will regret both!
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
Would you watch a tree grow? Or a knee grow?
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! đ đ˝
