One jokes
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."
I was watching my daughter at a park. She was playing with a few people. Another parent came up to me and said, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun, I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
Did you know one of the singers of YMCA had AIDS? Y-M-C-AIDS.
I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.
To bitch them is my real test, to train them is my cause.
I will travel across the land, searching far and wide.
Fuse Pokemon to UnderStand, the power that’s inside.
Poke him on! Gotta train them all it’s Fru and me, All I know is my dress tiny, Poke him on! Yeah, you’re my best friend, In a world you must defend, Poke him on! Gotta train them all my shirts so true, My outrage will flush us through. You bitch me and I ditch you, P-O-K-E-M-O-N!!! Gotta train them all, Gotta train them all! Pokemon!
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
You know, when women clean their nails with chemicals, no one cares, but when Hitler tries to clean Poland with chemicals, everyone goes crazy.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
What did Mars say to Saturn?
"Give me one of your rings!" 😄
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
Which one of Lord Arthur's knights invented the round table?
Sir Cumference.
Person one: Why did the boy go home?
Person two: Why?
Person one: Because he had PHOAM work to do!
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.