One jokes

"We are Number one."

"Chelsea is the most consistent team.

One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October; it's just like a menstrual cycle.

If they don't win in November, just know that they're pregnant." 😅

Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"

The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because no one came back with any.

Why can't orphans be gay?

There's no one to call "daddy."

Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Have you seen the Justin meme?

Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?

Just-in time for deez nuts.

Bruh.

But actually, it's a parody.

Wait, actually?

Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!

So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.

He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"

The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."

The person says: "What's a dilo?"

Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"

There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?

For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.