One jokes

One day, a chemistry teacher asked his student, whose name is Raj, "What is the chemical formula of water?"

The Raj replied, "HIJKLMNO."

The teacher asked, "What is this rubbish?"

The Raj replied, "Yesterday, you taught the chemical formula of water is H2O."

One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.

No one has my back like my dad.

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

My father can take a joke because he made one.

"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"

"No, it's 26."

"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."

"You're missing one more."

"I'll give you the D later."

"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."

There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.

symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?

symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?

angela: Because you are the thot of the group.

symple: Well it takes one to know one.

symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"

angela: FUCK OFF!

What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?

One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

One reason I like to tell riddles is because they help with critical thinking skills.

Bro, your hairline and an athletics track have one thing in common: they look like Humpty Dumpty.

You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?

At least one has a point.

Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?

A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.

Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?

In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.

Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this one's gonna blow!