One jokes
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
One thing that Miles Morales and Black men have in common is that they're both rip-offs.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
What is the one word orphans don’t know? Homework.
What did one Koala say to the other?
"Help me I'm burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I'm on fire!! AAAAaugh!"
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid?
A: Wanna hang out?
Kid: Imagine being an orphan!
Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*
Kid: WAIT, WHAT!
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors?
Surrounded by loved ones.
What did one nut say to the other nut?
A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
What do you call two Mexicans playing 1v1 basketball?
One on one! Just think about it. It makes sense.
What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?
When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...