One

One jokes

Language

    • If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

    An American.

    Titanic

    • Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.

    Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?

    3 minutes later:

    Why didn't I listen to the strong one?

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    • Magician

    • Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

    Cheese

    • What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?

    "That's nacho cheese!"

    One memes

    Disneyland

    • They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.

    Friend

    • Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

    Me: Me.

    Friend: *does nothing*

    (x_x)

    I forgot that I don't have friends.

    Dollar

    • One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

    Vet

    • A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

    Woman

    • Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.

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    • Dinner

    • Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.