One jokes
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
One volcano said, "Is that you, Qs? I am hot."
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
Q. There were two sisters. One was having twins and asked her sister to help name the children. If one was named Deniece, what was the other named?
A. Denephew.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"
Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and the Leaning Tower of Pizza?
One held its balance, the other two fell.
IX + X = XXI. So XXI is two legions into one.
What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!
What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!
What is the state of Texas for? Guns!
What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)
What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!
What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?
What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!
What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)
But he could only get 1 trade.
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday.
Me: "Are you ok sir?"
Midget: "Well, I'm not happy."
Me: "Well, which one are ya?"
1) What was Techno's reaction when he died?
2) Where did all the orphans go?
PS: In case you don't get it, it's a pedophile joke, cuz he is one!