One jokes

What do you call two Latinos playing baseball one on one?

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

Q. What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?

A. Blue, one blue this way and one blue the other way.

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?

Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.

I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!

Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?

A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:

"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"

That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...

What's the one upside to being an orphan?

You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

Why does Lincoln like Ronnie Anne?

She is the only one that calls me "lamo."

Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.

Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"

Dark humor is like life:

Not everyone gets it.

What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

What did one Geodude say to the other Geodude?

Let’s rock!

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."

Me: "I like it well done."

Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.