One jokes

What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?

One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?

One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.

Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?

Because he did not have one.

* Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?

Frisk: One knife, plz.

Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.

Waiter: You eat a knife?

Frisk: Yes.

*Waiter asking for one knife*

Waiter: Here you go.

Frisk: Thanks you.

What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.

If two feminazis are carpet munchers, which one in the lesbian relationship cooks?

They both don't because both of the carpet munchers are too busy eating each other's pussy 😋 🤪 😌 😏 😜 👍 👍 👌 👌 👏 🏆 🥇 💭 🤔 😮 😁 😊 😃 😄 👌 😍 🥰 ☺️

Do you know that no one finds Hitler a great guy?

But he really saved the History Channel.

Hear the one about the deaf kid?

He didn't.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

What do you call a Mexican with one leg?

Border hopper.

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.

What is the number one song played in Columbine High? Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?

Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.

What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?

One kid in eight dustbins.