One jokes
If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.
Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What's the difference between a water bottle and Africa?
One has water; the other one doesnβt.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.
I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!
Me be like: ;-;
I once saw a noose joke.
I wanna know how to make one :D
We gotta keep it goin' βγγcΜ·aΜ·tΜ·βββδΈ.
That one depressed friend.
Wanna hear a joke?
No, I'm already looking at one.
Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I canβt fix that!"
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
What's the difference between an apple and an emo kid?
One falls, while the other hangs.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.