Occupation jokes
Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry, mine too!
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.
What do you call a retard in the military?
Special forces.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.
My name shows it all if you can't see, IDC AT ALL, you can ban me.
But let me tell you one thing, Without God, Isr-el is nothing.
So let me say it again, one last time, Free Free Palestine!
What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
3.14% of sailors are pirates.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
What’s a rapper’s favorite tool?
A mic wrench.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
What do you call a blind author?
A Braille writer.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
The rapist is a therapist.
Lol.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"