Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
1st person: What do you call a blind pianist?
2nd person: What?
1st person: A pianist.
We gotta work ahead, people!
What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?
One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.
What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?
Chair-y.
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
The toughest job I ever had was when I was selling doors, door-to-door.
Why are the candy's clothes in the studio?
Because it's a wrapper.
Why couldn't the cowboy go to the rodeo?
He forgot his calves!
Parademic
Your hairline is so bent that Bob the Builder couldn't fix it.
Twin monks who ring the church bells died.
Now they are dead ringers. :)
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
Why does Zac say he works at McDonald's? Because Aaron go errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.
A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.
