Occupation jokes

"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he says.

I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

To have someone to call "daddy!"

What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?

Sex worker.

Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?

Because he was a family doctor!

Can a guy in a wheelchair be a stand-up comedian?

So a kid was crying... I asked him what was wrong.

I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE!

I have a better version of this joke.

How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.

What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?

The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”

And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

What do you call a magician that makes beer? Brew-dini?

Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!

What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?

Sit down comedy.

Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?

That depressed kid in class: Dead.

Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.

Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?

Why was the cow afraid?

He was a cow-herd.

Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?

A: The pizza can support a family of four.