Occupation jokes
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
Because he was searching for the PERFECT FLOW.
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
To have someone to call "daddy!"
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
...Because there's always a cast!
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?
Because he was a family doctor!
Can a guy in a wheelchair be a stand-up comedian?
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.
What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.
Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?
A: The pizza can support a family of four.
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
So a kid was crying... I asked him what was wrong.
I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE!
First date be like:
Me: "I work with animals every day."
Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"
Me: "I'm a butcher."
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.