Occupation jokes
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?
The prostitute can blow you more than once.
So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
UwU
I blend children to make a good living.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"
What do you call a Pokémon that wants to be a police officer?
Magic-cop!
What do you call a blind author?
A Braille writer.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
What do you call a rapper who's also a scientist?
RHYME-STEIN.
What do you call an artist with a brown finger?
Picasshole.
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.