Occupation jokes
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
I blend children to make a good living.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
UwU
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"
What do you call a Pokémon that wants to be a police officer?
Magic-cop!
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
What do you call a blind author?
A Braille writer.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.