Occupation Jokes

What do you call someone who fixes walls?

Juan, probably.

Well, I saw a stripper, and she was trying out bread.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.

Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?

Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.

Store owner: But still, why?

Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.

Store owner: Oh, I get it now!

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

Full.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

"SUPPLIES!"

What’s a nun's weapon of choice?

Nun-chucks.

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his whole family.

How do you make a plumber die?

You kill his family.

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

Is Will Smith a blacksmith?

I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!