Occupation jokes
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
Bob the builder.
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
What's the best name for a prostitute?
SI-MOAN.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
How do you make a plumber die?
You kill his family.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
Is Will Smith a blacksmith?
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
Because he was searching for the PERFECT FLOW.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES gardening?
MC Planter.
What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"