Occupation jokes
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?
They both use strap on tools.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
What's the best name for a prostitute?
SI-MOAN.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?
The prostitute can blow you more than once.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
How do you make a plumber die?
You kill his family.
Is Will Smith a blacksmith?
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.
Can a guy in a wheelchair be a stand-up comedian?