Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
I blend children to make a good living.
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
What do you call a Pokémon that wants to be a police officer?
Magic-cop!
What do you call a blind author?
A Braille writer.
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
Do you know a funny bus driver? I do.
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"
What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A Black & Decker pecker wrecker.
