Occupation jokes
Your dad must be a mailman.
My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden Dropping beats like the Twin Towers!
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
What's the best name for a prostitute?
SI-MOAN.
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
How do you make a plumber die?
You kill his family.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
Is Will Smith a blacksmith?
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
To have someone to call "daddy!"
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
Because he was searching for the PERFECT FLOW.