Occupation jokes
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
A money manager who counts bars.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To build some SOLID BARS.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
What's the best name for a prostitute?
SI-MOAN.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
How do you make a plumber die?
You kill his family.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
Is Will Smith a blacksmith?
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"
I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.
What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.