Occupation jokes
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
Do you know why Daddy never comes back to get the milk? Because he’s the milkman.
I did a ton of work, a skele-ton.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
got my liscence
Why doesn't the pirate go to the strip club?
Because he has ALL of the booty!
"I work with animals," the man said to his date.
His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"
"I am a butcher," said the man.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Dad: Don't know, why?
Son: Because they taste funny.
Why did the mailman come to the house?
To come back with the milk.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
What do a male pornstar and an emo have in common?
They are both hung.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
Why is it hard having a relationship with an astronaut?
Because they are always so distant. :-]
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled!