Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.
The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
