Occupation jokes
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
"I work with animals," the man said to his date.
His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"
"I am a butcher," said the man.
I did a ton of work, a skele-ton.
Do you know why Daddy never comes back to get the milk? Because he’s the milkman.
Why doesn't the pirate go to the strip club?
Because he has ALL of the booty!
Memes
Stonk Boi: I’m a hitman
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled!
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
Why did the actor fall through the floor?
He was just going through a stage!
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
What do a male pornstar and an emo have in common?
They are both hung.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Dad: Don't know, why?
Son: Because they taste funny.
Why did the mailman come to the house?
To come back with the milk.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
Why is it hard having a relationship with an astronaut?
Because they are always so distant. :-]
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.