Occupation jokes
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
...Because there's always a cast!
Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
What do strippers and butter have in common?
Both spread for bread.
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"
Do you know a funny bus driver? I do.
I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.
These jokes are EGGxactly why I became a comedian, and I know how to BAKE on breakfast.
2 jokes in a row babyyyyy!
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
Why did the clown stop smiling?
Someone chopped his lips off.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.