Occupation jokes
I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.
Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.
What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?
An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.
My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Thumb nails.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
What is a terrorist's DJ name?
Osama Spin Laden Dropping beats like the Twin Towers!
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he loved to drop HOT DISHES.
What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.