Occupation jokes

Yo mama's so fat, she works in the movie theater as a screen.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants.

A guy walks by and says, "Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants." The pirate responds, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"

What do you call a Black person flying a plane?

A pilot, you racist!

Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?

Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".

What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?

Lil Teller.

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

Why is the mermaid so dirty?

Because she is a maid, mer-maid!

What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...

Prawn cocktail.

How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.

What is the chair's favorite person?

A sit-izen.

Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Dad: Don't know, why?

Son: Because they taste funny.

Why did the mailman come to the house?

To come back with the milk.

A genealogist looks at the family tree.

A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.