Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."
The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."
First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"
Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
What do you call an egg murder?
An eggs-terminator!
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
What do you call a rejected guitarist who now lives on the beach?
A sea minor.
What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“because they always wanted a daddy”
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.
Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.
Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.
My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
Yo mama's so fat, she works in the movie theater as a screen.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
