Occupation jokes

What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.

How do you make a plumber sad?

You kill his family.

I work with animals!

What do you do?

I’m a butcher.

What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?

Hot wheels.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

What do you call an egg murder?

An eggs-terminator!

What kind of dogs do miners like best?

Golden retrievers, haha, get it?

Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.

How do you bury a prostitute?

In a Y-shaped coffin.

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.

What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

What do you call a rejected guitarist who now lives on the beach?

A sea minor.

What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?

"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

Why do most orphans become prostitutes?

“Because they always wanted a daddy.”

My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.

Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.

Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.

My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.