Occupation jokes
Why don't cows make good policemen?
Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!
What does the drummer call his twins? Anna 1, Anna 2.
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
FIRST DATE
Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
Parademic
What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?
An art attack!
What is a pooper man called? A dentist.
I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.
I love working in an orphanage.
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
What did the farmer who lost his tractor say?
*waits 25 seconds*
"I lost my tractor!"
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Jose and Hose B.
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.
The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"
The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
I did a ton of work, a skele-ton.
Do you know why Daddy never comes back to get the milk? Because he’s the milkman.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.