Occupation jokes
Parademic
What is it called when an art teacher has a heart attack?
An art attack!
What is a pooper man called? A dentist.
I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.
I love working in an orphanage.
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
What did the farmer who lost his tractor say?
*waits 25 seconds*
"I lost my tractor!"
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Jose and Hose B.
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.
The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"
The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
I did a ton of work, a skele-ton.
Do you know why Daddy never comes back to get the milk? Because he’s the milkman.
What's the most difficult thing about being a pediatric surgeon?
Keeping the scalpel steady while masturbating.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
Why doesn't the pirate go to the strip club?
Because he has ALL of the booty!
Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck!
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
Ur momma's so fat that when she became a spy her codename was OObese.