Object jokes
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
What is white and fluffy? A peelo.
What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
I finally got a girlfriend.
Her name is Remington Model 32.
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"
The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"
BOINGZINGA!?!
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.
What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they always return.
What’s red and goes 90 miles an hour?
What is fully grown but can fit through small objects? Michael Jackson.
Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
What music does a balloon listen to?
Pop music.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What goes inside and comes out wet?