Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.
Your mama is so stupid that she put a ruler under her pillow to see how long she slept.
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What is brown and sticky? A stick!
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?
A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."
What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?
The rope would catch her.
Yo mama is so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)
What does the door say to the doorbell?
The door said: "You dingus!"
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
