Object jokes
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
I finally got a girlfriend.
Her name is Remington Model 32.
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"
The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"
BOINGZINGA!?!
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they always return.
What’s red and goes 90 miles an hour?
What is fully grown but can fit through small objects? Michael Jackson.
Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
What music does a balloon listen to?
Pop music.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
What's the difference between a blind man and a window?
The window can see through itself.
Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”
Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”
He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”
Yo mama so ugly, her mirror broke.
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"