What did the fork say to the spoon?
Nothing, forks don’t speak, silly!
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's the difference between an umbrella and a tree?
I don't know.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
What is white and fluffy? A peelo.
What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
I finally got a girlfriend.
Her name is Remington Model 32.
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"
The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"
BOINGZINGA!?!
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
What’s red and goes 90 miles an hour?
What is fully grown but can fit through small objects? Michael Jackson.
Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
