What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)
What does the door say to the doorbell?
The door said: "You dingus!"
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!
I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
I forgot what a boomerang was. Oh well, itβll come back to me.
Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
when someone throws something at your forehead it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
What has eyes but can't see?
Potatoes, storms, and needles.
